About Me

Hey, Hi, Howdy – you can call me Cowboy. If you’ve found your way here from elsewhere on the internet, welcome.. I’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here. Well, after a couple years of writing on social media and experimenting with some different things online, I’ve realized that I wanted to pull away from the normal social media avenues and pursue making my own site where I can post, share, and monetize my content. Whether that be writing, drawing, or videos, anything I have made/will make – I wanted a home for it where I didn’t need to worry about moderating communities, or whether or not I couldn’t post something somewhere. I wanted something that was mine, something that I could choose to share as much, or as little, as I want to.

That covers where we are right now, this website, and how it came to life. Over time it will start to look different, but I made a deal to myself that the looks would come as a secondary priority.. I just wanted to start filling it with content.

 

Here’s a little bit about me..

I’m a combat veteran of the military, I won’t go into any specifics about the branch, but I will tell you that I was an Infantryman — a grunt, as most soldiers referred to us. The ones on the front line that like to eat crayons because we were the ones dumb enough to sign our names on the dotted line. I didn’t intend on joining the military, but I was a lost kid when I graduated high school.. I will never regret my decision of enlisting, but the impact of serving and being involved in some of the things I have done definitely weighs on me, and will for the rest of my life, I’m sure. I had two deployments to Afghanistan, one of which was heavily combative, the second was more along the security aspect. We got rockets shot at us regularly, but it was much more calm than the first.

Mental health is important to me, I have PTSD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression, and have struggled with my thoughts more often than I’ll admit to most people. I like to think my brain works in a specific way that is different than most people, but I’ve only been inside my own head, so it’s a bit difficult to assume such a thing, but for your reference.. My ADHD allows me to constantly be processing thoughts, all day, every day, even with medication, it doesn’t stop. I’ve tried to self-medicate, sometimes dangerously, but in my late 20s I learned to just accept the thoughts, and even redirect them to be useful to my self-growth. I think existentially, even some of the smallest thoughts that you’d never spend time on, can be huge learning lessons. For instance, I’ve learned that every single thing I do at this point in my life can be explained by traumas or behaviors I’ve been conditioned to, and I can explain each one to you if ever prompted.

I lived in Italy for two years, spent roughly 6 years in war-torn, middle-eastern countries and have more experiences and life lessons learned than most people my age. Most of that was done by 27, it feels like I’ve lived an entire life already, filled with traumas, life-and-death experiences, experimental phases, and some of the best stories I could have ever hoped to gather. I’ve lost very close friends, some I saw killed in front of me, and it has helped me realize how precious life is and how much we take for granted.. Because of that, I live differently. I don’t lie, I have no reason to pretend I’m someone else, I treat others the way I want to be treated, and at the end of the day I want people that have come into contact with me to believe that I am genuine, I believe we need more of that in the world. I’ve embraced who I am fully over this last year, I have many flaws, but every single day I can still look myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am. I ask that if you message me with the expectation of a reply, you be self-aware of your own behaviors, positive and negative. If I don’t want to talk to you, I won’t, and please don’t be offended, or take it personally. I don’t talk to many people, on- or offline.

I’m no stranger to the internet, I’ve used dating apps since I was around 20, and the amount of times people have catfished me, or tried to catfish me, mixed with multiple toxic relationships.. I understand people’s behaviors, especially the ones that seem to think manipulation is okay, and I can promise you that I will call you on your shit or just ghost you if I sense that, but I believe in closure, so I’ll most likely call you out. Trust and respect are earned in my life, and if you lose mine, you’re not getting it back. I’ve been burned almost every single time I’ve handed out a second chance. What’s the definition of insanity? “…doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I’m not insane, I learn from my mistakes. I’ve cut out half my family because of toxic behaviors, no one is an exception to that rule.

In case you can’t tell, I’m a fairly intense person. I prefer to say passionate, and this is because of the behaviors I talked about before. I was raised to give my all into everything that I do, relationships, work, sports, anything worth doing, is worth doing well. I refuse to be mediocre at something I enjoy, which also brings a lot of stress into my life. I’m an artist, if it takes me days instead of hours to finish something, it will be done correctly and I will be proud of it, but I won’t half-ass anything. This is no different in my relationships, one of my closest friends tells me that I’m a “ride or die” type, a one-woman-man, however you want to phrase it, I put my all into that person and if I fall in love with you, you won’t feel anything else like it.

In 2021, during COVID, I started using Reddit a lot more actively than I ever had. I posted pictures, which turned into it’s own form of viral content, especially for me, who never really would seek out attention from people I don’t know. This led to creating an OnlyFans page, multiple different avenues of sex work, and becoming the closest thing I could to a, “social media influencer.” I don’t have any plans of having some ‘message’ to share, only my writings that vary from my experiences in sex work, to being bullied as a child, to combat stories from Afghanistan, and some of the most.. real, and raw emotional things you will probably read. Sharing these things with people all over the world has brought on a new level of anxiety that I never thought I’d reach, sometimes I’ll disappear for months at a time, I’ll get wrapped up in what I think people want to read about, and lose my own, unique version of writing.. but I will keep coming back because I want to share this, and me, with all of you.

Cowboy